Leaky Love

Counting the Christmas that I was pregnant with him, I've had 28 Christmases with my oldest son. That's a pretty good stretch. This year we spent our first Christmas apart. Admittedly, it was different. It didn't quite feel like Christmas without him here. And yet, I've had so many years without him, and I'll have more. 

It made me start thinking about this love. Never quite getting full, even when I pour all I have into it. For my momma heart, it didn't really matter how many seasons I've had with my son, this one was missing something. All the lights and trees and memories from over the years and they had all drained out and all that mattered for a moment was what I was not getting.

God is love.

I forget that often. All the pouring out of love, the ultimate gift and I act like its all leaked out somehow. My love is that way for certain. I strive, I work, I set my mind to showing my deep love and yet I have to start over each day and try again. My love is not perfect, its faulty and weak.

There is not one action, motivation, well-meant word that could fill the hearts of my loved ones once and for all. Top their tank off so to speak. Its an ongoing and relentless effort. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

God's love was once and for all and forever. It was, it is, it ever will be. Never-ending and  for all time. My job is to remember that and to try to pour it out to others in His fashion of loving, not my own.