Rearview Mirror
Its a rare occurence that all my girls are together and we have no boys around. This weekend instead of beach therapy we opted for shopping. Ah, retail therapy. Almost as good as the sand and sea. We packed up in the 8-seater Ford Expedition and my progeny quite nearly filled it up. We have two seats left, either for future daughters-in-law or more granddaughters, whichever comes first. I remember these girls-only outings with my grandma and my mom, sitting in the backseat listening to them talk and fighting with my sister or staring out the window dreaming.
The same was happening in my vehicle, but now I'm the one driving. There are girls napping, or dreaming, or fighting. Conversations are being carried out. At one moment I looked in the rear view mirror and saw what I was sure was my reflection returning my gaze from the back seat, but it was one of my girls instead. This one bearing my likeness. Another has my penchant for writing, another my sarcasm, one more still my strong will or the shape of my legs. There's a little tiny one in a car seat sleeping away the miles and I wonder what portion of me does she carry?
There was a moment on the trip where it was mostly quiet and one of my girls had rolled down the window and stuck her face out letting the wind whip through her hair just like she used to when she was a little girl. All the years melted away and I felt suspended in that moment of time. With all that has been going on I've been rightfully distracted by the whirlwind, but it was as if at the moment, I could focus for just a second. Sure there are things that I can never get back, there are places we will never be able to return to, but just like a rearview mirror can be used to see where we've been, it also reveals what is behind you. We've been through some pretty tough times, but I can see that I've got these girls following behind me and its my responsiblility to make sure we get where we're going. While its my turn to drive they can take the time to daydream and rest and just sit back and enjoy the ride.
The same was happening in my vehicle, but now I'm the one driving. There are girls napping, or dreaming, or fighting. Conversations are being carried out. At one moment I looked in the rear view mirror and saw what I was sure was my reflection returning my gaze from the back seat, but it was one of my girls instead. This one bearing my likeness. Another has my penchant for writing, another my sarcasm, one more still my strong will or the shape of my legs. There's a little tiny one in a car seat sleeping away the miles and I wonder what portion of me does she carry?
There was a moment on the trip where it was mostly quiet and one of my girls had rolled down the window and stuck her face out letting the wind whip through her hair just like she used to when she was a little girl. All the years melted away and I felt suspended in that moment of time. With all that has been going on I've been rightfully distracted by the whirlwind, but it was as if at the moment, I could focus for just a second. Sure there are things that I can never get back, there are places we will never be able to return to, but just like a rearview mirror can be used to see where we've been, it also reveals what is behind you. We've been through some pretty tough times, but I can see that I've got these girls following behind me and its my responsiblility to make sure we get where we're going. While its my turn to drive they can take the time to daydream and rest and just sit back and enjoy the ride.
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