Agony and Ecstasy

I got a moment alone today. Its just when I start thinking that maybe, just maybe its starting to feel almost normal again, or at least what our new normal is going to feel like and then I have some "alone" time. It washes over me unexpected-like and the tears come unbidden and my heart just clamps up. In the car, ahead of me I could see the most beautiful blue skies, the full horizon, and puffy white clouds stretched out like promises in the distance. Surrounded by such beauty how can I feel this sad?

Today was my late mother in law's birthday and so we went out together to pay our respects, and I came home and rocked my grand-daughter to sleep. I sat there on the couch looking down at my love twice refined and its there, the moving on. The exchange.

Loss and gain.

Giving away and receiving back.

Life and death.

The beauty in the midst of the brokenness.