We Go On

You've met them before, maybe you are one. The cynical Christian, the disappointed in God Christian. Not quite ready to throw in the towel and walk away, but full of questions and judgments and when it all boils down to it, pain.

I totally get it. And as I read through my Bible, I find a whole bunch of characters that had no qualms at all about questioning God and His motives and the people who say they follow Him. My kids have been learning Ephesians 2:8 for Children's church and so its been recited over and over to me in their attempts to commit it to memory. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, I tend to forget that part about it being a gift and one that I didn't earn. And then Paul reminds us in Philippians 2 that we must work out our own salvation daily which is an even further step of faith. The grace remains but I have to pick it up again and trudge on, day by day, no matter what.

I have six children and have been a mommy for over 20 years now. As they have grown something has been prevalent throughout the child rearing years. I am constantly having to explain myself. "Mommy, why do I have to pick up this mess? I didn't make it!" or "Mom, what are you going to do about her? She doesn't ever have to do anything!" Now, you may laugh, but how often do we question God in that same manner? As a parent, I know things that I don't share with my kids about the others, because it isn't any of their business, or at times I have had their siblings do something that the others weren't even aware of.

Also, in the mix of all this parenting and guiding and loving these kids so much it hurts, there is that one child that only sees the boundaries, only hears the no, only feels the discipline. For one reason or another, the relationship is just not what it once was. They no longer see me as the mommy who loves, and only ever wants what's best.

I have been at times, both of these children. I love God and know that He loves me, but I question His motives in my life. I have run away from His discipline, thinking that all His way was about was fencing me in and controlling me. I have curled up in a ball and cried my eyes out because I couldn't understand why He allowed things into my life that hurt so bad. Friends have put everything they had into a leading, a direction that they felt was from God, only to have it snatched away at the last minute and they are left numb in disbelief. Others have been hurt by other Christians and can't reconcile that God would allow someone who claimed to follow Him to bring harm to others without calling down His wrath.

This year held some of the most intense fighting I have ever done. Time after time, I was knocked down and had to low crawl my way back to safety only to limp my way back out onto the battlefield. The truth of the matter is, that I would have this fight regardless of my allegiances. Life is hard and catastrophes and disappointments litter its byways. But because of my faith in God, my hope in what He is doing in and through me, my love for Him, I get back up. Without that reassurance what would this life be like? Truly insufferable. Wretched. Hopeless.

John 6:66-69  After this a lot of his disciples left. They no longer wanted to be associated with him. Then Jesus gave the Twelve their chance: “Do you also want to leave?” Peter replied, “Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.”


Popular Posts