January is one of those months where I feel like I'm setting the stage for the rest of the year. I begin the disciplines I want to keep up with. My plans for healthy eating, or working out, reading through my Bible, changing my perspective, so many ideas and changes. Some years flow with my plans, others fight back with a fierceness and every step towards my goal feels like an uphill battle.
It all began back with the beginning of the school year, which for a teacher and a mommy is a new year all its own. Nothing, and I mean nothing was as I had expected it to be. Talk about blood, sweat, and tears. I walked into January with the mind set that I would not allow the false start of the fall semester to affect what I wanted to do with this new year of 2016. Here am I at the last day of January to tell you, this is not what was in the plan for a bright new start.
There have been so many amazing things, new doors opened, new ministry opportunities, but there has been a lot of set backs and struggles. I feel as if i just started a new game and thought I had read the instructions, but now that I'm in the midst of it I wanna hit the reset button.
Wait a minute.
You caught me off guard there.
I wasn't expecting this....
Stripped bare of all my lofty goals, I have to make the choice to keep standing. Keep walking forward. In our distress I find my mind cleared of the fluff, the extras, the unnecessary additions, and I can more clearly see what has been there all along. As God in His merciful kindness, peels back another layer and reveals more of my hidden self, I see where healing needs to come. Those things that I had swept under the carpet and tried to ignore or forget. As the wounds heal, and I try out this tenderer heart. I am reminded that God would rather have a whole me than all the sacrifices that I could give. He loves us way too much to allow us to keep going forward hindered by our past.
Healer of broken hearts.
Restorer of all things.
Lover of my soul.
The Only One who sees me as I truly am.