Gripping the Treadmill

So I have this treadmill in my basement, and when I make up my mind to get away from the kids and try to pretend like I can't hear them wreaking havoc above me I go down there to try and work out. Now, I don't know about you but I like to be in control and stepping up onto that moving strip of canvas and trusting that it won't try its best to fling me up against the opposite wall is a real test of faith. To drown out the sounds of my kids doing their elephant impersonations upstairs, I turn on some music that motivates me to want to kick my own fat butt and turn on the treadmill. Steadily, steadily, I increase the speed and walk faster and faster until I am forced to break into a nice jog.

The problem is that I can't let go of the arm rails. Remember my trust issue that I shared earlier? Well it goes into full force as the speed increases and I imagine doing a face plant on the basement floor. I can let go with one hand and that works when you're walking. But try to do anything with more speed and one handed running just doesn't work. You end up feeling lopsided. Pumping both of your arms while running is the way that this thing is supposed to be done. Once I managed to pry my fingers from both rails and I could just hear the Chariots of Fire song playing in the distance. But then it was drowned out by Wipe Out. I know its all in my head, but at the same time its not...Just last week I was at the gym minding my own business on a stationary bike (much safer for the balance challenged like myself) when out of nowhere I see movement out the corner of my eye accompanied with a crash and a roll and splat. Case in Point: A girl flat on the ground having been flung from her treadmill due to disrespect for the force of gravity and improper usage of arm rails.

So this is some serious business for me, my distrust of letting go and really running for all I've got. But it didn't just happen one day that I didn't trust right? That's a build up sort of problem. Everything is running fine and then boom you fall or you watch someone else and seeds are planted. "That looks really bad and that could happen to me if I'm not careful" sort of thinking....How often do I do that with God? I get in there walking the walk and yet I'm not totally sold out to the mechanism of trusting Him, I'm still gripping tightly to the safety features like contingency plans and back doors and just in case this doesn't really work out scenarios. Like God's not gonna be there to reach out and pick me up when I fall down.


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