3.27.2013

One Step Away from Crazy

Therapy. When do you decide that you need it? I learned in school that the first step toward healing is admitting that you need help and you can't do it on your own. But what do you do when you know all the questions a therapist is going to ask and all the ways he or she is going to try to get you to open up?

I decided in high school that I wanted to become a psychologist one day, and thus I would be prepared to help people with their issues. Really crazy people scared me, and still do by the way, but I wanted to help "normal" people who needed some help getting through a rough patch in life. My own life wasn't exactly an easy one up until this point, but I handled it without any lasting psychosis. I began my college courses full of hope and dreams of grandeur. It took me a good ten years to get that four year degree and that was really only the beginning. Unfortunately, a funny thing happened in the midst of all my plans. One day everything was fine and dandy, and then the bottom fell out.

Today, I finished the book, "Silver Linings Playbook." When I say today, I should add that I started it this morning and just finished it a few moments ago. It was that good. I picked it up after watching the trailer for the movie and realizing that its a story about two "crazy" people. The appeal to me was that these two perfectly normal people each encountered some pretty serious life traumas and did not come out unscathed.

Now, I don't need to go into details here so I'm not going to, but believe me, I seriously related to the characters in this book. When they describe the things that go on in their heads and the reasons they react the way they do, I understand. When someone you love is suddenly gone, or utterly betrays you, what threads do you hang onto to keep you sane? It can take years to recover from certain traumas, and the very worst part is the very beginning, when you are struggling to keep your head above water and continue to function like "normal." Life is like a dream world, but not a good one. You keep hoping that you will wake up and everything will be like it was, but deep down you know that's not true. Its almost like you are hovering somewhere above your body and watching events unfold. There is a numbness to your daily existence.

Slowly, ever slowly, you come back to reality and life goes on and you survive. Its like being pushed under by an enormous wave and fighting to the surface to gasp for breath. You heal, but you're left with a scar. With emotional trauma, people can't see your scars, but you know they are there. You get over it, but you can never forget, because something is missing, something is changed inside of you.

I know this post is depressing and slightly morbid, but that's how life is sometimes. God forgives and He heals and He restores, but He is a God of process and sometimes the process can be slow to our human understanding. That is where faith comes in and that was my thread when I was hanging on. Some days it was a very thin thread, but it was my hope that He would somehow make it all come around...and He did.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

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