Prayer room time again, hence the early morning post. I've always hated the early morning, the bed seems so much more comfortable at that time. Even when I was a little girl and I could hear my grandpa rummaging around in the kitchen and alone time with Papa beckoned me, I often did not give in to its call. Yet, here on occasion, I find myself dragging my sleepy head from bed to do my part on the wall. Its so neat because there's something sublime about spending time with God when all sane people are still sleeping. Very special and beyond words really. There's not even need for words, its just sitting here with Him and knowing He's right here.
When I was just a girl all I was escaping with my sleep was helping out with the dishes and watching my little brother. Now I open my eyes and IT looms over my bed, hovering with insistent demands. "Don't forget to do that thing you didn't do yesterday." "Make sure you get this done today." Now I've never been one of those super mommies who wake up before the whole family and have a complete breakfast on the table before any little feet come pattering down the stairs. But I do enjoy the mornings when I can slip out to the living room and get a cup of coffee in with my devotions before a little tiny starts screaming, "I NEED breakfast!"
Earlier this week we went to a conference at Morningstar and boy was I looking forward to it. Not because I felt like God was going to be more present to me in another place, but mainly because I would be alone with Josh, God and a bunch of people who love God insanely. However, last minute we decided it would be unwise to leave the little guys at home and so they got to come along. Good idea right? I convinced daddy to get us a room where I could be a part of the conference goings-on while the kids could still be safe and quiet in the room. Win-win for everybody. Six kids and 15 years into this thing I really start feeling like I know what I'm doing every once in a while. Emari and Zion were pretty good but any time you bring a toddler and an infant to a church event is a recipe in certain disaster because no matter how "Free" the congregation is, they want to be able to hear what is going on and not over the shrieks of a baby.
So, I did a lot of walking, and feeling sorry for myself and smacking myself back into the reality that I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, because that's selfish. I mean didn't God know that I wanted to hear His voice at this conference? Why didn't He make my kids fall into a deep sleep or quiet their spirits enough so I could participate? Then it happened. I remembered that this wasn't just about me, that Josh was there too. Duh, I mean, my part of this thing meant that he got to spend uninterrupted time with God. Gee, now I felt so much better. Ok, so maybe that martyrdom helped for a moment. Then a lady caught me chasing Emari around the lobby and pushing Zion in the stroller in frustration and felt compelled by the Lord to share something. She said that she remembered being a busy mom and chasing kids around and God gave her a promise that she felt the Lord wanted to pass on to me. She said that He told her that even when I felt like I was missing something by having to care for my babies, God wasn't moving on without me. At those moments I had to get up and leave He was going to pick right back up where He left off, that I wasn't going to miss a thing. Wow, God.
I think that all mommies need to grab hold of that. It can be so frustrating to feel like there is no reason to get out of bed except to chase some kids around, try your level best to teach them stuff, and then crash into bed exhausted at the end of the day only to turn around and do it one day after another. God has a special love for the mommy. He sees you and all that you do and isn't critical of the time you don't get to spend with Him. Don't beat yourself up about it and don't look at your precious charges with contempt because you feel like they are keeping you from Him. This is only a season, and He is always there, even when you don't FEEL it.