Revelation 12:11 says,
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Now I usually don't share publicly on personal struggles that we encounter in our home, but I knew that I could not leave this one unspoken. I cannot be silent in what miracles my Father has done for me in this year. As a couple my husband and I, not to mention our children, overcame and so we must provide the word of that testimony to whosoever will. Anyway, I began this blog out of the need for a creative outlet some months ago. You see for the first time ever I was having trouble with a pregnancy. My doctor had me on bedrest and I was going insane. Let's back up a little bit and say that I have never had any troubles with birthin' young uns. My OB actually referred to me as a "baby machine." I took it as a compliment from a professional. AS soon as we announced that we were pregnant the prophetic words started rolling in. This was one special baby.
Everything was going just fine until early one morning 13 weeks into the pregnancy I got up as normal to use the bathroom. A frequent occurrence, but this time I found myself in a pool of blood. I don't mean just a little bit, I mean I looked down and there was a puddle on the floor of the bathroom. In shock I called to my husband and jumped into the shower to rinse off. He came in and like he always does in an emergency, stayed calm and went right to work cleaning up my mess. We didn't talk, we didn't need to. There was no question about what was going on. I just sat on the floor of the shower and cried out to the only One I could. Thinking things like, "How could this happen to me?" and "My baby is gone." as I prayed for strength. So I finally told my husband that I didn't want to go the hospital and we just went to bed. Didn't get any sleep at all, because of course, we just laid there silently asking God what was going on?
In my mind I was whisked back to a time long ago when I was praying as a young girl after finding out that all the women in my family had experienced multiple miscarriages. I wanted to be different and break that curse, so I began entreating God early. Add to that all the words we had received concerning this baby. I reminded Him of that, but I heard nothing from Him. All I had was a fleeting vision of my tiny baby and God holding him in His hand. What did that mean? Was He trying to tell me that my baby was gone but present with the Lord, or could I dare to hope that God was letting me know that He was protected and safe? The next morning I called my mama, because sometimes you just have to talk to mamma. Between her and my husband I finally agreed to go to the doctor. I sat in the waiting room with all those pregnant women and just felt all dead inside and mad at God. Yeah, I had five other babies at home, but I didn't want to lose any of my babies.
The doctor called us back and after checking me and hearing my account of what happened, decided that it looked like a miscarriage. She sent us back for an ultrasound to confirm. Again, I was just numb of all feeling. The tech came in and I couldn't bear to look at the screen. I looked to my husband for strength and his face seemed odd to me. He was smiling. Thinking he was really insane with grief until he said,"Baby you've got to look. He's still there, and he's alive!" Oh my gosh. We cried and cried. The doctor decided that I had a condition called placenta previa and sent me home on bedrest. Crisis averted. Now throughout the pregnancy there were other close calls and shake downs, but the big one was right there at the beginning. You see, Josh and I were really believing that since this baby coincided with the birth of our church plant that he was symbolic of what was going on in the spirit realm. He was even named Zion for a reason.
When we began on this journey to start a new work in Fayetteville, we were having prayer meetings with our youth group every Monday night. These were intense meetings and one night one of the girls began praying Isaiah 62. It became our hearts cry for our city. For a few years now we've been reading through the Bible as a group with a schedule. What's really cool is that on our Zion's birthday the scripture reading for the day was:
Regarding Zion, I can't keep my mouth shut, regarding Jerusalem, I can't hold my tongue,
Until her righteousness blazes down like the sun
and her salvation flames up like a torch.
Foreign countries will see your righteousness,
and world leaders your glory.
You'll get a brand-new name
straight from the mouth of God.
You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand,
a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God.
No more will anyone call you Rejected,
and your country will no more be called Ruined.
You'll be called Hephzibah (My Delight),
and your land Beulah (Married),
Because God delights in you
and your land will be like a wedding celebration.
For as a young man marries his virgin bride,
so your builder marries you,
And as a bridegroom is happy in his bride,
so your God is happy with you.
To me that was my God confirming to me that this process had come full circle. We made it through, in shaky times and in celebration. Thank you God for standing with us in tribulation!