Out of Danger

Yesterday, I had my ultrasound to finalize if I was going to have to have a scheduled c-section. Obviously, I entered the doctor's office with much fear and trembling. Someone asked me the other day if the anxiety of childbirth goes away as you have more children. I assured the seeker that it definitely does not. Each pregnancy like each child is unique and different and holds the potential for so much to go wrong or right. Just as every other labor I have gone through, I knew that one way or the other the Lord was going to be right there with me, but I still fear the unknown that awaits. I've had normal labor and induced labor, but never a cesarean. From the beginning this pregnancy has been oh so peculiar and I thank God for the blessing of a long awaited second son, but fear has washed over my heart and soul more times than I would care to admit. The ultrasound showed that all was right again in my womb, my child is growing soundly and all obstructions to a normal delivery are removed. I know this is the direct result of God's hand and am so relieved. But at the same time I am ashamed that my faith in Him was ever shaken. I find myself not really taking a stand either way because I'm afraid to be disappointed. It would have been alright had the c-section been prescribed, but its so wonderful to know that it doesn't have to be that way. How much of the joy do I miss because I play it safe and don't ask God for the big things? Or does He just enjoy surprising me when I don't ask? He knows He can make it work either way, but prefers to show up in my life in the miraculous. I believe I have felt most loved by God when unexpected things shook my life and He showed up in a way that only He can to set everything right.