11.15.2010

Cry Baby

I hate crying. I hate it when other people cry and I especially hate it when I cry. Its unnecessary and messy and kind of selfish. I mean, think about it. When I'm crying, and you're around, you feel a little bit of obligation to come over and ask me what's wrong, right? Suddenly there's this uncomfortable moment where you're not wanting to, but feeling like you should, and I'm hoping you don't, but secretly wish that you would. 

Life hurts, sometimes more than others. While I pride myself at not crying in front of people, deeming it as a babyish and wimpy thing to do. I do cry, ALOT. I cry when my kids start school and each year on the last day of school. I cry when they start to walk, or eat on their own, or drive the car, or go on a date. I cry when they need me too much and when it seems like they don't need me at all. I cry when people come to my house every week regularly, and I cry when I invite them for something special but they don't show up. I cry when I trust you and you disappoint me and I cry when I don't even like you but you hurt my feelings. 

What is this the purpose of crying and the associated water works? Sadness, pride, joy at times, all in all, it serves the purpose of cleansing the heart. I think the Lord thought I needed a good scouring this week. Sheesh, its been rough. Nevertheless, teach me Lord, whatever it is that I'm not getting and give me the grace to move on in love, not bitterness.
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